Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
