ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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