I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
