God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate all girls vehemently.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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