I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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