pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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