i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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