Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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