dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
