So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
