My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
