Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
