So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
