You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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