At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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