It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
