i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My feet surprised me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
