My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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