put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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