it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize