let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
