i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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