Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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