she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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