I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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