in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
