The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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