I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize