i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
