I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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