between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You made out with two different species that night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
