So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
