i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
