hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
