I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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