I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
