You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I checked into jail on foursquare
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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