Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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