I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
