why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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