This girl is more easily done than said...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
