I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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