do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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