Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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