he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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