so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize