I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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