He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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