I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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