Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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