Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
