do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
