dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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