STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
