I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
