so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
