Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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