We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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