can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
