You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
