it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i now understand why vodka
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
